yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
