The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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