i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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