There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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