Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
