i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Come on in and take your pants off
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