Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
