I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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