guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
