It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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