I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's the barista slut.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
