yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize