How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
