So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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