Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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