Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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