I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
