i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if only i could text you this smell
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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