You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
