My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
