Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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