I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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