I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
