thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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