Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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