Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
bring money and cleavage
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
