I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
