So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
