i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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