apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
