Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
