Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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