christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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