I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need moral support for this bender
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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