covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
