tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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