ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
4 words: hood of his car
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
