So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
