when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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