Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
