how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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