did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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