i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
