I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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