just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
