Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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