How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
