you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
