I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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