the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
