Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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