Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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