Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
