By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
