Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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