I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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