The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
