I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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