Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
