I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
