Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
