We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
