thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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