It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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