I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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