No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
