I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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