she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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