I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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