I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize