And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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