I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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