When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
