Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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