is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
